my voice, how i miss you

eArS glUEd tO: loose by nelly furtado

We never know what we have until we lose it.

I can’t believe how much I would miss it, this thing which I never thought I would lose. How I have wanted to use it so much today, to ask questions, to whine, to argue (boiled onions do not lose their nutrition!), to sing!, I want it back so much…

I want my voice back, sob.

It all started with this bad cough a few days back (courtesy of my lab mates..oooo, how I absolutely adore them at this moment). And this terrible cough has now robbed me of my not so) sweet and lovely voice, and a very sore throat.

I thought that I will recover over time but imagine how shocked I was this morning to wake up and opened my mouth to talk when all that came out was….croak. I sounded like a toad choking on a very large bluebottle. Any attempt to sing ended up sounding worst than a certain penguin with tapping feet. It’s terrible! My mouth and tongue are working fine to form the words, but there is no sound coming out. I’m not exaggerating.

Sigh. Anyway, I finally watched ‘Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’. It’s funny how a jaded couple who took all the trouble to erase each other from their memories ended up falling for each other all over again. Is this fate?

I guess relationships always start out as an adventure, that person will seem perfect...at first. However after a few years (or months depending), the relationship can turn boring and well, predictable. Things you used to find adorable suddenly seem annoying! Familiarity breeds contempt. Being stuck with the same person day in and out doesn’t seem very romantic any more. I’m really afraid of that happening to me if I’m in a serious relationship, or if I get married. I don’t want to be like those couples eating quietly in the restaurant..horror.

On another matter, I am glad that I have done my seminar slot last friday. Now I can just sit back, relax, and watch other people suffer…muahahaha!
It’s kind of like a required ritual for all first year PhD students where we have to give a 30 minute power point presentation about our topic, in a classroom of students and lecturers. I must admit that it was not so bad once I got through the first few minutes without passing out. The stares I got from those straight faced lecturer nearly killed me. Thank god for those few friendly familiar faces. I admit I could have done so much better. If I hadn’t lost my cool so much, I could have made the talk longer, and answered the questions with more intelligence. However, this experience has opened my eyes to what I am capable of. Public speaking still gives me the creeps, but I think I can improve with more practice.